After a painful separation between my wife and me two years ago, our family collapsed. It sounds dramatic, but I felt like I was experiencing death. What followed was a long and painful alienation, as well as a sense of grief.
We mixed it. His absence has always been felt, especially at major life events such as our daughter Maya, now 19, leaving home to go to college, birthdays, Christmases, etc.
Our shared love of exercise and being outdoors has gotten Maya and I through some tough days. She has been practicing yoga and meditation for years; I prefer weights and walks. We created happy memories from “wholesome” trips, like learning to surf at the Wave artificial surf camp in Bristol while visiting Maya’s grandmother in the city. In fact, that trip created such a great experience that we were eager to repeat it.
While searching online for somewhere closer to Manchester (surfing in Cornwall wasn’t possible for the term weekend) I found a trip in the Peak District that included a combination of yoga and walking. We met at Chesterfield station, an hour from Manchester, hugged and got excited for the weekend ahead.
The retreat is held in a wood-clad, brick converted cattle shed overlooking the sheep-filled, emerald green Hope Valley. The comfortable living area where we ate and socialized had wide wooden floors, underfloor heating and deep sofas overlooking the wooden balcony; beyond that, those valley views. If you prefer not to walk, you can spend time with a book and a cup of tea or count the sheep in the fields below.
The weekend, Friday through Monday, is bookended by yoga classes, 90-minute sessions each morning and evening in the loft of a barn next to the house, and daily walks of four to five hours. Yoga teacher Nicky took us to yin yoga each evening, a slower-paced style of yoga where poses are held for longer periods of time. It sounds simpler than “regular” yoga, but it’s actually harder in some ways: You hold each pose for about five minutes.
Towards the end of the session, we were invited to snuggle under the blankets for guided relaxation in savasana (also known cheerfully as “corpse pose”), or in some cases, to sleep, before being left to our thoughts. This was when I struggled. My mind was filled with thoughts I wanted to push aside or a list of things I needed to do. Maya loved it though, making it worth every twitchy evening session I spent watching her bliss.
And so we institutionalized in a healthy way, settling into a routine of yoga, breakfast, walk, yoga, dinner, sleep, breakfast, yoga… you get the idea. Nicky adapted yoga to help relieve post-walk pain, which meant we could start all over again the next day.
Morning yoga was more energizing with its vinyasa flowing poses. Then the two of us would rush to the wooden bar to see what was being prepared for a DIY breakfast—some days quinoa porridge, other days cinnamon-dusted oats, bowls of nuts and peanut butter, and scrambled tofu. Dinners ranged from pumpkin curry with brown rice and lots of greens to refried beans with kimchi followed by sticky toffee pudding. Packed lunches were less generous – whole wheat pasta salad with spicy capers and olives, or a slice of tortilla and salad without dressing (a big no-no for me).
This is where the cute stone villages we descended from the peaks came in handy (and also helped with the toilet). After walking for a few hours, you will warm up, and when you stop, you will cool down quickly. After sitting outside and eating our packed lunch, cafes selling cakes and coffee filled the hunger gaps and warmed us up.
The local landscape varies considerably, with clear streams and exposed moorland covered in soft, spring moss (sphagnum) carpets, dotted with hard rock formations. Rachel and Richard, the knowledgeable and enthusiastic owners of Peak Walking Adventures (peakwalking.com), guided us past local points of interest along the way.
Above the famous plague village of Eyam in Derbyshire, Riley Graves is the burial site of an entire family except the mother, who died of fleas-borne deaths in a cloth box delivered to a local tailor after the Great Plague arrived from London in 1666. . In isolation, food and drink were left at a designated boundary stone outside the village, which was lined with sandstone-lined huts; To pay for the goods, coins were thrown into specially made holes filled with vinegar to sterilize them.
We returned every afternoon muddy and tired but in good spirits. In addition to having to share a room with me, Maya occasionally yells “stop helicopter parenting me!” Even though he said that, he loved us being together. When I dared to ask if he wanted a cup of tea, my comment caused smiles among our retreating friends. In reality, they loved our mother-daughter dynamic, partly loving and tactile, partly me getting on her nerves (apparently she was snoring; getting up to go to the bathroom at night and telling embarrassing stories).
A few of us formed a mostly middle-aged “girl gang”. Although we mingled with the others, we were as thick as thieves, sharing mealtimes, life stories, and jokes. Maya has aunties and enjoys spending time with my female friends, so she loved being in the middle of this lively group of women.
I enjoyed the combination of exercise and being outside for long periods of time, getting to know different people when my walking pace brought me together with them. I also enjoyed not having to think too much: our daily routine was already established before we arrived.
On the final night, we lit a fire and a few of us chatted later than usual, aware that our little Peak District bubble was coming to an end. Maya was lying on my lap while I played with her hair (a regular routine at home). A few people commented how nice it was to see this level of closeness.
Despite the challenges of the past few years, I know how lucky we are to have such a strong relationship. When Nicky invited us to set an intention during our first yoga session, my mind searched and found the word “peace.” He reminded us of this again the other morning and I decided to change it to “joy.”
Fundamentals
Jo Fernández was a guest of Adventure Yogi (01273 782734; adventureyogi.com), which runs 150 retreats a year in the UK and abroad; Prices for three nights start from £595 per person for a twin room and £745 per person for a single room, including all meals, yoga and walking. The train line has fares from St Pancras International to Chesterfield from £20.80 one way (trainline.com or download the app).