No, you don’t have sewage water in your eyes. You read that right. Brighton has the 25th best beach in the world and the best beach in Britain. At least that’s the case according to the Golden Beach Awards 2024, which announced its top 100 list.
Traditionally, “best beach” lists focus on the quality of the sand and the clarity of the sea. You can also mention wildlife, Blue Flag status and snorkeling credentials. Not GBA2024’s. They say their selection “goes beyond the traditional and embraces a richer texture that makes a beach remarkable.”
To reach the top 100, the jury considered the beach’s value to the local community, DEI (diversity, equity, inclusion – not Opus), “party and lifestyle” and cultural significance, among other criteria. “This broader perspective allowed us to shed light on beach gems that are often missing from traditional, one-dimensional ‘best beach’ lists,” they say.
This new approach appears to play to Brighton’s strengths. The town is Britain’s LGBT capital, its cultural history pouring out of its ears (see Graham Greene, Fatboy Slim, Abba’s 1974 Eurovision triumph) and there’s no shortage of partying and lifestyle. It’s no surprise that the judging panel of “travel experts and influencers” fueled by the “precision of algorithms” rated Brighton so highly.
However, at the risk of sounding extremely one-dimensional, I fear that while the GBA2024 judges were enjoying the vibrant brilliance of Brighton, they did not make it all the way to the seaside: a sloping beach one level down from the A259. the water is murky, the pebbles are bumpy, and the main attraction is a burnt pier.
We’ll do some cleanup before continuing. My front door is seven miles from Brighton Beach. My son was born in Brighton’s Royal Sussex County Hospital. I grew up visiting the town by train in my youth, and it is no coincidence that my wife and I live so close. It’s a strange, wonderful place. I love it.
But no one moves to East Sussex just for the beaches. With the exception of Camber Sands (all but Kent) and Witterings (almost in Hampshire), any Sussex resident will agree that there are nowhere near Britain’s top 100 beaches, let alone beaches. World. Yes, the chalk cliffs of the Seven Sisters are a national wonder, but the pebble beaches at Birling Gap and Cuckmere Haven are mere footnotes to the whitewashed skyscrapers looming over them.
I wonder what first-time tourists think of Brighton? Tripadvisor reviews average four out of five; This isn’t bad at all. Many praise the pedestrian promenade, Pride Festival, and sunsets. “Brighton may not have the glamor of Copacabana, but in terms of ambiance and people-watching, nowhere in England comes close,” local resident Teresa Machan tells me.
Others are less free. One Tripadvisor reviewer writes: “The whole place is rundown, dingy and dirty. The street next to the pier smells strongly of urine. Garbage is everywhere. “I felt like I needed a shower after our visit.” Another says: “When God wants to punish you he will tell you to go to Brighton. It’s a dark, rainy and windy place. “Absolutely terrible.” Apparently the cost of parking is also a common complaint.
What if our friends had stayed away from Brighton and visited Sandwood Bay, in the far north-west of Scotland, with white sands and turquoise waters comparable to the Caribbean? Or Godrevy on Cornwall’s north coast, a surfer’s paradise with golden sands stretching for miles to Gwithian Beach and beyond to St Ives?
There are no features in GBA2024. And you know what? If the people behind the 2024 Golden Beach Awards want to curate a list based on inclusivity and cultural clout, I guess that’s their agenda. Virtues are there to be declared and all that. And there are truly wonderful beaches here: Waikiki in Hawaii, Ipanema in Brazil. Wait a second though. Scroll down the list and you’ll find Umluj Beach (#41) in Saudi Arabia, where homosexuality is punishable by death and women were only allowed to drive in 2018. That’s not quite DEI, is it?
Further down, you’ll find Wonsan Kalma, a “Benidorm-style resort” in North Korea (number 88), a country where tens of thousands of people are enslaved in prison camps, according to Amnesty International. I think they said from the beginning that they would go against conventional wisdom, but North Korea?
At this point we understand that the 2024 Golden Beach Awards do not require another millimeter of column space. I agree that best beach lists can be a bit lackluster, but the Golden Beach Awards judging panel might want to take another look at their “exact algorithm” (and a long, hard look at themselves) if it lands on beaches you might be at. They were detained for holding hands or stoned to death for participating in a political protest. Call me one-dimensional, but I think I’ll stick with Med, thanks.
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