Why is it so hard to persuade even when you have the facts on your side?
As a philosopher, I am particularly interested in persuasion; not just how to persuade someone, but also how to do it ethically without manipulation. I found that one of the most profound insights came from the German philosopher. Immanuel KantThe focus of my research is the person who was born 300 years ago: April 22, 1724.
In his last book on ethics, The Doctrine of Virtue, Kant writes that each of us has a certain duty in trying to correct the beliefs of others. If we think they’re wrong, he says, we shouldn’t dismiss them as “nonsense” or “poor judgement” but rather assume that their views “contain some truth.”
What Kant describes may sound like humility; just accepting that others know things we don’t. But it goes beyond that.
Kant argues that this moral duty to find truth in the errors of others is based on helping the other person “preserve respect for his own understanding.” In other words, even when we encounter clearly wrong points of view, morality calls us to help the person we are talking to maintain his self-esteem, to find something reasonable in his views.
This advice may seem arrogant, as if we should treat other adults as if they were children with fragile egos. But I think Kant is on to something important here, and contemporary psychology can help us see it.
need for respect
Imagine having to postpone lunch because of a meeting. With only 15 minutes and a growling stomach, you leave to grab a burrito.
However, you meet a colleague on the road. “Nice to see you,” they say. “I hope the meeting will change your mind about something.”
In this case, your colleague has little chance of convincing you. From where? You need food and they prevent you from meeting that need.
As persuasion psychologists have long recognized, the key factor in persuasion is attention, and people do not engage in persuasive arguments when they have more pressing needs, especially hunger, sleep, and safety. But less obvious needs can also make people unpersuadable.
One of the issues that has attracted the most attention in recent years is the need for social belonging.
Psychologist Dan Kahan gives the example of someone who, like everyone else in his community, erroneously denies the existence of climate change. If this person publicly corrects their beliefs, they may be ostracized from friends and family. In this case, Kahan suggests, it might be “perfectly rational” for them to ignore scientific evidence about an issue they cannot directly influence in order to satisfy their need for social connection.
This means that a respectful persuader must consider others’ need for social dignity, such as avoiding public settings when discussing topics that may be sensitive or taboo.
…and self-respect
But external needs such as hunger or social acceptance are not the only things that stand in the way of persuasion. In a classic 1988 article on self-affirmation, psychologist Claude Steele argued that our desire to maintain some “self-esteem” as a good and competent person profoundly shapes psychology.
To put it more philosophically: People need to respect themselves. This might explain, for example, why students sometimes attribute low grades to bad luck and difficult material, but explain high grades in terms of their own ability and effort.
Steele’s approach yielded some surprising results. For example, one study invited female students to write about values that were important to them; it was an exercise in self-affirmation. Subsequently, many students who did this exercise, especially girls who had previously performed worse than boys, received higher grades in physics class.
This study and many others show how strengthening a person’s self-confidence can equip them to deal with intellectual challenges, including challenges to their personal beliefs.
With this in mind, let’s return to Kant.
Politics is personal
Remember Kant’s claim: When we encounter someone with false beliefs, even absurdly false ones, we should help them maintain respect for their own understanding by admitting some element of truth in their judgments. This fact may be a fact we missed or an important experience they had.
Kant is not just talking about being humble or polite. It highlights a real need that people have: a need that persuaders must acknowledge if they want to get a fair hearing.
For example, let’s say you want to change your cousin’s mind about who he will support in the 2024 election. You come armed with well-prepared evidence and carefully choose a good moment for a one-on-one conversation.
Despite all this, if you ignore your cousin’s need for self-respect, your chances will be slim. In a polarized country like the United States today, the debate over who to vote for can feel like a direct attack on someone’s competence and moral decency.
So providing someone with evidence that they need to change their views can directly impact their need for self-esteem, our human need to see ourselves as smart and good.
moral maturity
In other words, persuasion requires a lot of juggling: In addition to presenting strong persuasive arguments, the persuader must also avoid threatening the other person’s need for self-esteem.
Real juggling would be much easier if we could slow things down. Therefore, juggling on the Moon will be twice as easy as on Earth, thanks to the Moon’s low gravity.
But when it comes to persuasion, we can slow things down by speeding up the conversation, freeing up time to learn from the other person in return. This signals that you take them seriously, which can boost their self-confidence.
To be ethical, this openness to learning must be sincere. But it is not difficult: each of us has limited experience in most matters. For example, maybe Donald Trump or Joe Biden confirmed some of your cousin’s frustrations with local government in ways you couldn’t imagine.
This approach has an important benefit for you, too: helping you maintain your self-esteem. After all, approaching others with humility shows moral maturity. Recognizing others’ need for self-esteem not only helps you persuade someone, but also helps you persuade them in ways you’re proud of.
This article is republished from The Conversation, an independent, nonprofit news organization providing facts and authoritative analysis to help you understand our complex world. Written by: Colin Marshall, University of Washington
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Colin Marshall does not work for, consult, own shares in, or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond his academic duties.