I promise the warmth will return briefly this week. I’m not usually one to give orders, but the middle of summer is its own style dilemma, and having a fashion editor hold you accountable for your outfit decisions is both a blessing and a curse. These are the rules—or, in the dictatorial spirit of Carmy from The Bear, non-negotiables—and I’m here to reiterate them for you. You’re welcome.
Exposure levels
In the city, you must dress appropriately. There is no excuse for acres of flesh outside of a lido. I am thinking particularly of the dreary British stereotype of a bare-chested man strolling down the high street. Men, to be clear: no one wants to see your sweaty, shirtless body. Especially on public transport. Nipples should be kept firmly hidden for all genders. If you are wearing a shirt (I commend you) then expose your breasts. Unless yours is a perfectly shaven, well-groomed specimen, unbutton them discreetly. Too much swell/cleavage or loose chest hair is not justified. Excess flesh in an office is gross and uncomfortable for everyone, especially, I would imagine, for the girl in micro-shorts in an itchy swivel chair.
Hand luggage
The general point of a cross-seasonal setup is that if you’re carrying a backpack on any public transport, as a Londoner you should take it off your shoulders on the plane. At your feet, away from other passengers, please. Similarly, that giant mesh basket you get at Toulon/Oliver Bonas shouldn’t get its own seat. In my opinion, people who instantly assign an extra seat for hand luggage are the worst of us. I don’t care if it’s a Loewe: on your lap, thank you.
Problems opening short positions
Are your shorts a skinny high-rise purchase for summer? They’re not for the city, especially if you lean toward masculine bows. Are they loose and lightweight fabric? Consider potential slip exposure. A well-tailored pair of knee-high shorts made of a crisp, sturdy cotton will keep your dignity and your fight intact.
Jeans circumference
At Wimbledon, I was horrified to see so many men wearing what I can only describe as skinny white jeans that Liz Hurley might have worn in 1994. Even if you’re Johnny Borrell from popular Noughties indie sleaze outfit Razorlight, these are not acceptable in 2024. If you have to dive into the current white jeans trend, they need to be at least loose, straight-leg or boot-cut. Also, watch out for ankle creases. You may need to take a trip to the dry cleaners for a tailored fit: there’s nothing but dignity in that.
Socks statistics
OK, I don’t have any real statistics on socks. But! Women are still sticking to floral dresses, white trainers and gym socks — I respect your complete belief in this look, no matter how much I and other fashion editors try to kill it. Still, it’s your duty to the Londoners to wear any socks, whether they’re the trendy, pulled-up version or not. A sockless pair of trainers will not only shake up your marriage/roommate relationship, but will also carry a disgusting stench that will rise up like a rotting rat stuck in a drain. Be respectful, wear socks.
Wrinkles
Linen is having its moment in the variable summer sun. That’s to be expected (Cos currently has a few excellent examples) and it’s really being supported. It’s beautiful, beautiful, breathable linen. What’s less ideal is its tendency to wrinkle. We can’t speculate on the adequacy of ironing at the Knightley-Righton homestead, but Keira (at Chanel) and her husband, former Klaxon, James, came to tennis in need of a steamer. Bad wrinkling will ruin a decent outfit and spoil a picture, something to consider in your summer event schedule.
Foot
Sigh. Despite perfectly serviceable nail bars, I still end up with bruised runners’ nails, cracked heels, and battered, hairy toes every year. It’s so unpleasant. Pedicures are a total non-negotiable. Get it done. I have no major issues with open-toed shoes in office environments when feet are properly cared for. Failing that, a closed-toe shoe (gladiator sandals are great) is all you need to reach for in the morning.
Personal hygiene
Unfortunately, not all of us have Prince Andrew’s ability not to sweat after the Falklands. Deodorant is available, use it. Perfume is fine, but don’t overdo it. Hay fever sufferers are sensitive to strong odors; it’s merciful to think of them and the rest of us. Hyperactive sneezing is endlessly annoying.
Guest list
If you’re invited to an event where you’re expected to dress up, it’s your RSVP obligation to do exactly that. Clean and polish your shoes. Wear a jacket in places of worship. Slap on sunscreen to avoid being a smeared mess on social media. Rethink your bold look: Do you deserve to stand out in photos? One reason I had a winter wedding was to avoid guests arriving in flashy high street prints, which is an unfortunate aspect of summer weddings.
Victoria Moss is fashion director of the Evening Standard and ES magazine