AND THEN HE BECAME 16…
Copenhagen-Manchester City: The joys of the post-Fergie Wilderness Years™ are so varied that it can be difficult to keep track of everything, but there’s something rather delightful about the way Manchester United’s Copenhagen capitulation set up such an easy Major Cup tie for England’s latest treble winners. FCK will of course do its best, even banners and slogans can be thrown. But now that the leading football genius of our generation has discovered great players and defenders who can defend, it looks less likely to work than before, Sheikh Mansour’s inspirational fairy tale continues with another match no one will remember. But he loves football so much!
Leipzig-Real Madrid: Real Madrid – real Madrid! – beauties? Because here we are; We are the last bastion of training ground sales, attacked by the French, with AI-generated players who stand no chance, defending everything that is good about the game against a car that sells fizzy drinks, £ super shilling honesty. from beating them.
PSG – Real Sociedad: Or, as one columnist trying to provoke its readers put it, the bland food derby; Luckily, Daily has no stomach for this. Of course, the real fun on the pitch will be wondering how and when Paris collapsed, but it won’t happen in this draw because it doesn’t work that way. On the bright side, Nasser Al-Khelaifi, president of PSG and who also chairs the European Club Association, is a reassuring presence whom we can safely rely on to protect the game for the good of all.
Lazio-Bayern match: We’re all friends here, so let’s be clear: Harry Kane signing for Bayern and not winning anything would tickle a dead man. Oh, football! How positively you bring out the worst in one go! Anyway, with eight league defeats this season, Lazio – a club not exactly known for its sense of humor – are not willing to make the world laugh, so Bayern will move closer to fate: another slap in the face to City.
PSV-Dortmund: Both adults will brace themselves to win the handclap, as any grown adult can attest to, which is what is truly tested in elite sport. Otherwise, with Barcelona legend Luuk de Jong spearheading the PSV attack, the Narrative must surely be hoping the back four remain vulnerable to Jadon Sancho’s unique slow-motion breakthrough.
Inter-Atletico: We’ve had to process a lot of crazy events over the last few years; Life has never seemed this believable. But for all your demagogues, plagues, and out-of-date rulers of this world, nothing – Nothing – Stranger than the fact that the team that escaped Serie A in 2024 will feature Matteo Darmian and Henrikh Mkhitaryan regularly, while Marko Arnautovic and Davy Klaasen grace the bench. Atlético, on the other hand, are not what they used to be, but by acquiring both Álvaro Morata (albeit mastered for now) and Memphis Depay, Diego Simeone has cunningly ensured his continued brilliance and anything is possible as he prowls the touchline.
Porto-Arsenal: In the Primeira Liga this season, Porto sit at the bottom of the three-team table, seven points behind Sporting in second place, with Benfica also sitting head-to-head at the top. Arsenal, meanwhile, are as nauseatingly pleased with themselves as they are at this stage of every season, apart from the seasons they spend doing collective psychodrama on the internet. But while his side are in many ways less terrible than most of the rest in this competition, Mikel Arteta spent the money he collected from player suspensions when he was Arsenal captain on Ivan Gazidis’ watch.
Naples-Barcelona: Rarely have the champions of Italy and Spain made such a mockery of their own leagues. Napoli sit eighth in Serie A, 25 points behind the leaders, while Barcelona, with a lame manager and what a duck bank manager, sit third in La Liga, 10 points behind the leaders. No one is happy about this situation, especially Daily.
LIVE ON MAJOR WEBSITE
Join Scott Murray from 20:00 GMT for hot Grand Cup coverage of FC Copenhagen 1-3 Manchester City; Daniel Harris will be on stage for RB Leipzig 1-2 Real Madrid.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If I’m going to be brutally honest, I’m not in the mood [highlighting] I say positive things and try to say things that will cheer me up because I don’t know what to say that will cheer me up. What can I say that will cheer the players up? What I can say is that the players we have are coming back and these guys are doing very well, our remaining 14 games bode well for the future” – Crystal Palace boss Roy Hodgson struggles to find a straw to hold Conor Gallagher’s stoppage-time double gives Chelsea a 3-1 lead After securing the comeback win, it was his 14th consecutive victory over the Eagles. And that hardly sounds like a vote of confidence.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
“Taking the example of Ivory Coast, who sacked their manager in the Afcon group stage and still won the cup, should England consider sacking Gareth Southgate halfway through the Euros in the hope we can get the same result?” – Patrick Fuller.
Does the fired Jean-Louis Gasset still get a winner’s bonus?” -Tony Walsh.
The more I hear about Bayer Leverkusen, the more I want them to loosen Bayern’s firm grip on the Bundesliga. The city takes its name from a chemist who created artificial blue dye. Its population is less than half that of Leicester. And of all places it is twinned with Bracknell. Can you imagine many more unlikely clubs to topple the very rich Müncheners? They may play in black and red, but I’ll shout: ‘Come on, you Artificial Blues!’” – Mark McFadden.
I don’t want to be picky, but overall it’s Mark, not Bright ‘Ian’, sitting next to Steve Parish (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). I thought perhaps I was wrong as there was a fairly high profile Ian Bright (economist) and Ian Bright actually replaced Mark to provide Parish with much needed insights into the Premier League economy. D Pulford (and 1,056 others).
Send a letter to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of the non-prize letter of the day is… Patrick Fuller.