What is the aim of Rishi Sunak’s government? Frankly, not managing. The Conservative Party has already given up on this. Nothing works anymore and Sunak has little to offer other than a few general election giveaways. But its pioneers are clearly on a mission to bridge the gap with entertainment. Banish the January blues on Monday morning with the Conservatives’ comedy hour. Revenge of Idiocracy.
Step forward, Lucy Frazer. In his previous life, Frazer was by all accounts a successful lawyer. Someone even thought he was smart or flashy enough to be KC. Though that’s not to mention what it says about the other lawyers he left behind in the promotion. There’s no easy way to say this. But Lucy isn’t very smart. If the election doesn’t turn out so well for him, you won’t see many people rushing to his room asking him to take up their cause.
Luckily Frazer is now our cultural secretary. Words you thought you would never say. At the very least, you’d expect someone who can speak in fully formed sentences. Coherent thought would be nice too. Come back, Nadine Dorries. Even at his wildest, when he was completely pissed off, Mad Nad was more outspoken than Frazer in Monday’s media conference. It’s like Lucy is auditioning for her own stand-up show. Rosie Holt’s rival.
For reasons well known to them, every Tory culture secretary seems to support the BBC. It could just be jealousy. The BBC is much more valuable and trustworthy than the Conservative Party. We Brits could easily get by without the services of another second-rate minister, but like Traitors and Silent Witness we would get angry when asked to give up guilt.
Does not matter. Frazer had managed to get hold of another shoddy piece of research which claimed that the BBC was not impartial and was determined to turn this into a comedy show on the airwaves. A helpful tip: Most stand-ups learn their routines before taking them on tour. They don’t just make it up as they go along. But Lucy knows better. All he did was review the BBC’s headline findings about left-handed bastards before leaving the house in the morning and decided to improvise the rest.
It didn’t go well. Frazer clearly thought he would be on home turf at Sky studios. That a rival broadcaster would want nothing more than to indulge in a bit of social Beeb bashing. The idea that a news source could have independent newsworthiness had clearly not occurred to him. He clearly thought it was all like GB News. Kay Burley gave chase. “Do you think the BBC is biased?” she asked.
“Well… I look at it as… culture secretary,” Frazer said in his trademark high-pitched, panicked nasally voice. Much the same as Sunak.
Burley looked around for a weapon. Anything to save yourself from the misery of spending another second with this half-wit. “I know it is,” he said. “That’s why we invited you to the show.” Poor Lucy. She has yet to make the connection between her role as a cabinet minister and being invited to appear on television. She thought it was just a coincidence.
Then we got into the details. Or rather their absence. Frazer thought the BBC was biased because it apologized for an error regarding the bombing of a hospital in Gaza. His fraud was transparent. Because it seemed that what he was dying to say but didn’t have the courage to say was that the BBC hated the Tories. Presumably some members and presenters do this too. Likewise, the boss class and some of the other presenters are also very Tory friendly. This shows that overall things are much more balanced than on GBeebies.
“So where is your evidence?” Burley asked.
Frazer looked confused. I was even surprised. “Home… Home… Home… busy?” What was that? Yeah, he’s a lawyer, okay. “Well… The evidence was that some people perceived the BBC to be biased,” he suggested. Burley gently pointed out that perceptions were not evidence and invited him to try again. Still nothing. Finally Burley gave up and spat him out in disgust. Strangely, Frazer repeated this interview on all channels. Someone should tell him that there is a difference between an audience that laughs at you and an audience that laughs with you.
Frazer was the warm-up act at LBC, though. There we have a full half hour of Comedy Central with London mayoral candidate Tory. Never to be forgotten, Susan Hall. Probably the stupidest person in the entire capital. Conservatives must have elected him for LOLs. There is no other explanation.
Firstly, Hall insisted that Sadiq Khan was saving some money to provide pre-election support to Londoners. Wait until you find out what Sunak and Jeremy Hunt have planned. He then became completely confused about the repair of Hammersmith Bridge. The robbery was due to belonging to two councils. A listener had to call in to point out that this was a lie. It has been owned solely by Hammersmith and Fulham council since 1985. Although Hall might think that counts as a two.
But Sue was just getting started. Even though she didn’t know where the money was coming from, she would definitely raise the police officer’s salary. Host Nick Ferrari asked him if he knew what the basic salary of a civil servant was. “I have no idea,” he said proudly. But guess what? £30K. This is equivalent to 60 thousand pounds. Honestly, no one had any idea what they were talking about. At least that one. Ferrari said: “36 thousand pounds.”
His ignorance was bliss. And total. He didn’t know how much the bus fare was. I couldn’t get it off. He never took it. Traveled only by trains. So it has nothing to do with it. And he was unapologetic about Trump’s tweets about the 2020 election being stolen from him because “he was always spending too much time on Twitter liking tweets that he didn’t actually like.” Ferrari finally looked like it needed a self-help group. We all did it.
But hey, the LBC phone lines are all down. With agents wanting to sign Dim Sue. This was radio filled with laughter every minute. Far better than anything Radio 4 has to offer. And no one was laughing louder than Sadiq. Imagine Hall as the mayor of one of the world’s greatest cities. Even my dog could do better. And the fun wasn’t over hours later when Liz Truss announced she would be making a comeback in February. The Edinburgh border is dead. Long live the Conservatives. We ran out of glasses.