Euro 2024 is almost upon us and with it comes a sartorial buffet that we will either enjoy or be deeply offended by.
What did Croatia do this time? Did England unearth a real gem? Why does Belgium wear brown shorts? So which kit won the highly coveted top spot?
There are still a few shirts to be released by the good folks at Puma, Macron and Joma, but Nike and Adidas have already dropped most of their gear, so without further ado, let’s dive into it.
From the visually disturbing to the visually arousing, here is our Euro 2024 kit list. Sorted and rated from worst to best:
Netherlands away
This is not a football jersey model or something that people can see with their eyes or think of. It looks like a Travelodge rug. We briefly wondered if it was really bad enough to be good, but unfortunately it’s not.
Croatia hosts
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Croatia’s home isn’t hard, folks: lots of little red and white checks! This is now two tournaments in a row, they’ve missed the briefings and it’s not melodramatic to say the summer is ruined.
france home
This kit was very popular on social media, but we will also come out and say it. [takes deep breath] – all wrong. France has gone from deep, dark blue to royal blue, and it’s not that threatening. This is supposed to be a nod to the jerseys of the 1960s, but true retro shirts are always better than their modern knockoffs. The lack of symmetry in the collar gives us the creeps and don’t get us started on the ridiculously large cock…
spain house
Is this Spanish red? IS THIS?! No. It’s heading towards Dutch orange. Take it.
Türkiye away
It’s harmless but a little basic. Next.
hungary house
Shiny. Too bright? We continue.
Hungary away
Beautiful. No further comments.
Türkiye house
What we call the ‘horizontal belt’ is quite nice, but other than that this shirt is a bit bare.
Spain away
The color is almost bruised and looks very bad on a pale person. [looks in mirror and winces], Even though you know when you miss it one on one that Alvaro Morata will look handsome, mysterious and vulnerable in this thing.
belgian house
Black stripes around the shoulders and armpits give this slight ‘shirt from prosoccerUK for playing five-a-side’ energy, but the subtle diamond background saves it from falling flat.
Denmark away
The collar is a nice touch that sets this apart from the home version that would come later, but a few more red trims would have made this stand out even more.
Italy away
Despite the relatively simple design, there’s a lot to see here with the variety of colors in play. But it all comes together and we approve.
scotland home
The wonderful colors and bold background pattern are eye-catching. It would make a nice screen at Center Parcs. There’s also the slightest hint of Euro ’96 here, reminiscent of Colin Hendry’s wavy locks, which is pleasing.
Croatia away
Cross-checks? Organised. Red laser lines? Interesting. We can’t stay mad at you for long, Croatia.
dutch house
Good, clean fun from Nike and a huge improvement on the garish shade of orange at the Qatar World Cup. Faint lines are unusual but acceptable.
england house
The crazy St George’s Cross has infuriated all the right people, but this shirt’s power actually lies in its red and blue sleeve trim; nice detail.
swedish house
It’s not the traditional Swedish yellow, which makes us nervous, but the two-tone blue finish saves this kit from potential disaster. A fun twist on a classic. Mycket bra.
Belgium away
There are three elements we need to consider here. Firstly, the fact that this kit is inspired by the Belgian comic book character Tintin is a bit crazy but a pretty cool idea. Secondly, the shorts are a rather ugly brown color, because they are inspired by the Belgian comic book character Tintin. The third is to treat the shirt separately, which looks nice. We can’t help but think Kevin De Bruyne’s international legacy deserves more than a new costume, but overall we liked it.
italy home
You can’t quite see it here, but the shoulder cutout is made up of narrow stripes of red, white and green, and they look stylish, although like most of this year’s jerseys the shade is a bit lighter than traditional. Andrea Pirlo could have made this shirt look really cool but unfortunately he’s not around so it’s “nice overall”. To be fair, Italy faces an uphill battle every time because nothing will touch the ’94 shirt and it will never touch the iconic image of Roberto Baggio’s ponytail falling over his collar. Dizzying days.
Sweden away
Even though pink stripes aren’t traditional Swedish dishes, they work great here. The Swedes will go into the round of 16 looking very stylish.
Scotland away
The purple is attractive as are the fruity patterns on the sides. Very good.
germany home
This has hints of Germany’s classic shirt from 1994, in which Jurgen Klinsmann looked absolutely gorgeous with his red, yellow and black shoulders. We could have done without that fading pattern, but England are still almost certain to lose to this thing in a gritty semi-final.
Denmark host
Hummel are masters and they make no mistakes here, hitting all the right targets with this sparkling shirt. Christian Eriksen will look amazing hitting first man from the corner wearing this little number.
Portugal away
This jersey is inspired by the distinctive azulejo tiles that Nike tells us are found all over the country. It’s very nice and we like it.
Germany away
We’ve been looking at this for a while. This… is a pretty important thing. Its design is attractive, its collar is stylish and its colors are very bold. Toni Kroos will make this look amazing.
Portugal host
The nice stock Portugal home colors do most of the hard work here, so Nike have rightfully chosen to keep things simple. The green stripes on the collar and sleeves are a nice touch. It has an almost regal quality. Also an elite coat of arms.
England away
England away kits are reliably better than their home brethren, but if you had told us that England’s Euro 2024 away kit would be purple and feature multi-coloured side panels, we would have raised an eyebrow in concern and started creating a gap near the bottom of the shirt. this list. But my goodness, what a shirt this is. The color is almost scary. Gold details on the Nike swoosh and Three Lions crest are rich and dreamy. Simplicity is art itself. If you could get married in a football jersey…
France away
You know all those bad things we said about the French home kit? Of course, none of this applies here. Pinstripes are risky business for a football jersey, but this one is a neat finish, with crisp blue trim offsetting the white background beautifully. The giant rooster is less conspicuous than the home jersey, perhaps because it fits the baseball aesthetic. New York Yankees meet Les Bleus. Lou Gehrig meets Antoine Dupont. This shouldn’t work but somehow it does. Chapeau.
