Late-night hosts discuss Taylor Swift’s Super Tuesday posts without endorsing a candidate, Joe Biden’s new campaign strategy and Kyrsten Sinema’s decision not to run for re-election to the Senate.
Stephen Colbert
Given her extreme popularity and influence, many are wondering how Taylor Swift will handle the 2024 elections. And on Tuesday, he dropped a hint by encouraging his more than 240 million Instagram followers to vote in the Super Tuesday primaries without identifying a party or candidate.
“We haven’t seen a celebrity take such a bold, neutral stance since Rob Lowe went to an NFL game wearing a hat that said ‘NFL’ on it,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday’s Late Show.
Colbert taped before the polls closed, but he already knew the outcome: “It’s Biden-Trump. It’s always been Biden-Trump. It will always be Biden-Trump. But if you ask the voters who still seem to be in denial, no.”
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He cited a recent poll that found nearly half of voters thought Democrats were likely to replace Biden with another candidate before the election. “NO! No they won’t!” Colbert shouted, “Trump vs. Biden, stop making election fanfare – ‘Ooh, what if Tom Brady comes out of retirement to run for president, he can make Gronk Gronking’s secretary. And then they kiss.'”
Speculation has gotten so out of control that on Tuesday, former First Lady Michelle Obama’s office was forced to officially announce that she will not run for president in 2024. “That means he’s the nominee…” Colbert said in surprise. “I hope he picks Gronk as his vice president.”
Meanwhile, Biden is reportedly adopting a strategy of “going for Trump’s jugular”; because advisers believe that if Biden mocks Trump every day, it will shake Trump and cause the former president to be “surprised” in public. “Yeah, he’s going to go crazy, contrary to the current rational public message: ‘I love Mein Kampf, bing bing bang bang, Russia, ohhhh,'” Colbert joked.
Seth Meyers
Super Tuesday was a big day for the Republican and Democratic primaries, or as Seth Meyers joked on Late Night, “16 states and one district came together and staged an intervention for Nikki Haley.”
In a new print interview with the New Yorker, Biden assured that he will beat Trump, noting: “I’m the only person who’s ever beaten him.”
“Well, that’s true, unless you count Jean Carroll. [New York attorney general] Letitia James, Covid, the free market and ramps,” Meyers joked.
Trump White House pharmacy will give employees Xanax and speed without a prescription, according to inspector general report. “And a patient kept asking them, ‘is there such a thing?’ reverse “Viagra?” said Meyers next to a photo of Melania Trump.
An Amazon warehouse near Seattle recently began testing a human-like 5ft 9in robot. “He’s so realistic that his Tinder profile says he’s 6 feet tall,” Meyers joked.
Photographers in Hawaii recently captured footage of two male humpback whales having sex, “in case you’re wondering why Mike Pence is trying to close the beach,” Meyers said.
Daily Show
And on the Daily Show, guest host Ronny Chieng mocked the retirement of Senator Kyrsten Sinema, who announced she would not run for re-election after polls showed she received far fewer votes than her rivals.
“Senator Kyrsten Sinema is resigning to spend more time with her family, Goldman and Sachs,” Chieng joked, referring to her controversial move to preserve tax breaks for the ultra-rich. “And I like how he says he’s not going to run for re-election in Arizona, like it’s his choice. Definitely not because you’re going to get your ass kicked. That’s like me saying, ‘Hey guys, I’m not going to be QB for the Patriots this year.’ Guess what, no one offered.”
Sinema, formerly a Democrat, drew the ire of her party colleagues during her time in office for refusing to break the filibuster that would have allowed abortion protections to be enshrined, among other policies.
“It’s also funny that in this tribal political climate, people generally like independents. But if you’re independent you must be a real shitty politician And everyone hates you,” Chieng said. “Personally, I love that Kyrsten Sinema teaches everyone a very important lesson: You can’t assume someone’s beliefs based on what they wear.
“’Hey guys, look at my pink tutu, you know I’m a liberal!’ He went on stage saying, “he continued. “Then ‘private capital takes everything!’ He entered the Senate saying: Drill those orphans for oil.’”