Thinking of exchanging numbers before a first date? You may want to turn off this iPhone feature.
Giving someone your phone number before a first date can help you coordinate logistics and keep the conversation flowing outside of a dating app. But it can also bring about an undesirable privacy consequence.
If you’re an iPhone user, your phone number is tied to your contact information and may automatically display your full name when someone adds you as a new contact. The default on dating apps is often just names –– and most of us prefer to keep it that way until we decide otherwise.
Once someone knows your full name, it is easier for them to find your exact job, social media accounts, and in my case, my LinkedIn profile. Before I turned off this iPhone “name sharing” feature, I had a date who instantly found my articles after I shared my phone number. He added me as a contact on LinkedIn before we met in person. My potential first date turned into a networking opportunity for him; Another reason why I prefer to remain just “Monica” until we meet in person.
To turn off this feature:
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Go to settings.
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Select Messages. From here you can turn off name and photo sharing completely. You can also choose your first name and edit your last name.
Or, if you keep name sharing on, you can select “Share Automatically” and choose to do so with “Contacts Only” or with the explicit permission of “Always Ask.” If you choose “Always Ask,” your iPhone will alert you before conversations, confirming that you want to share your name and photo with the other person.
More Phone Safety Tips Before First Dates
In addition to turning off name sharing, it may also be helpful to follow these additional tips for safer online dating:
1. Text a friend about where to meet your date and who she is.
Lane Moore, comedian and author of “You’re Not the Only One Who Gives a Fuck: Breaking the Cycle of Endless Dating Mistakes,” told HuffPost that texting a friend about a first date is advice she’s received herself.
“It’s always comforting to text a friend and tell them where you’ll be and who you’ll be meeting,” she said. “Even if it’s a great date, it’s nice to have someone else know where you are.”
Similarly, dating coach Ali Jackson said she always sends someone a screenshot of one’s dating app profile. “I also have my best friends’ location and they often know where we go,” he added.
2. Feel empowered to continue the conversation on the dating app until you are comfortable.
Don’t feel pressured to take the conversation off the dating app.
“Someone asking for your personal phone number is not in itself a red flag. But this is an opportunity for you to check in and see if you’re comfortable taking the conversation off the platform,” Erinn Robinson, media relations director for the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, a widely known anti-sexual violence organization, told RAINN.
Robinson noted that one advantage of talking on a dating platform is how it can be easier to block and end communication there compared to your personal cell phone messages.
You also don’t need to give your real mobile phone number on the first date. People may instead want to use a Google Voice number they shared with matches before a date, Jackson said. “This way, your actual phone number linked to your identity can remain private until you decide to share it,” he said.
3. Understand that the photos you share can potentially reveal your location.
Many people may not consider that sharing “live” or “moving” photos “may convey geolocation information along with the photo,” Robinson said, “so be careful when sharing images with people.”
When you take a photo with your phone, information such as the day you took the photo and where you took it are automatically stored as metadata.
But you can remove location data from your iPhone photos. To do this, go to the Photos app, tap the image in question, and then select the info (or “i”) option. From there, you’ll see the exact location of where the photo was taken and you can select “No Location” to remove that metadata.
On Android devices, you can only remove estimated locations from photos. You can do this by going to Google Photos, tapping on an image, and selecting “More.” From there, select “Edit” and remove the estimated location.
It is important to know that safety tips in general are not guarantees. Robinson referred to RAINN’s own online dating guide as “safer tips” because “no sexual violence ‘safety’ tip is ever a promise of safety.”
Ultimately, you should let your own comfort determine how much information you reveal on a first date. Trust your gut. If someone continues to press for more information than you are willing to share, this may be a sign to “block” them and move on.
Need help? Visit RAINN National Sexual Assault Online Helpline or National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s website.