Two boiled potatoes and a cocktail the color of Slush Puppy nearly sent me to a West African prison. Admittedly, theft was not on my mind when I was cornered with the meager selections on offer in the (only) lounge at Léon-Mba International Airport in Libreville, Gabon. The two lonely bottles of liquor sitting behind the dusty bar weren’t even worth the extra weight in my luggage.
But a misunderstanding about the lounge access fee led to an angry receptionist chasing me through the terminal shouting “J’appelle la police.” All this stress and embarrassment over one bite of a half-baked potato.
This wasn’t the first time I encountered problems in airport lounges. This won’t be the last.
According to a new report published by Which? Many airport lounges fail to meet expectations. Of 20 British venues inspected in secret, none achieved more than three out of five stars. In fact, the majority scored much lower; This suggests that travelers would be better off spending their money on other food outlets.
When the first airport lounge opened at New York’s LaGuardia airport in 1939, it was an invitation-only event; a private area for high-flying rich people to relax before their flight. Similar areas followed.
Airlines weren’t the only ones who saw the potential to provide valued customers with a sought-after haven. Companies soon realized that a market existed for charging people for access to lounges where they were guaranteed free food, drinks, and later Wi-Fi.
For years I’ve thought of lounge access as a privilege, a way to start a vacation in style or ease the stress of traveling for work. I’ve probably been through more than 200 airports this year, from the vast expanses of Charles de Gaulle to the tin shacks of Bissau. I usually fly economy class, making paid lounge access the only option for finding a suitable place to sit and tell stories between flights.
But most of the time I was disappointed with the quality of what was offered. At Zimbabwe’s Harare airport, in a barren wasteland filled with shabby stalls selling rock-hard bread rolls and poorly carved wooden giraffes, lounge signs were like a gateway to heaven. But somehow I must have gotten stuck in a limbo along the way.
The only food available at the Dzimbahwe Executive Lounge was plastic wrap-covered bowls of chips and a few soggy white bread sandwiches. It was impossible to connect to Wi-Fi, and the cheap PVC sofas were stacked so close together that if someone dropped a match they would be burned to ashes.
The worst thing was the cost. I had used one of the 10 passes on the Premium Pass (annual membership £229) but was charged £30 for bringing a friend. I could have bought quite a few stale bread rolls for the same £60.
It’s not just airports in developing countries that have subpar lounges. Plaza Premium at London Gatwick is a pleasant enough space when there are no other flights departing. But during busy periods I had to squeeze in next to strangers and to be honest I could have found better breakfast options at Greggs. Heathrow’s branch at T4 is not very good.
Which? They reached similar conclusions in their reports. Business has been severely disrupted since the pandemic. No1 Lounges no longer offer a la carte menus and spa facilities are a thing of the past. But the worst offender, according to its critics, was Southend’s SKYLIFE venue; It was nothing more than a roped-off area in a dreary bar.
Prices are higher in places where services are poor. Which? They say the Aspire Lounges they reviewed were on average 40 per cent more expensive than in 2020, with costs ranging from £21 to £35. London prices are even worse. A five-hour stay at Heathrow’s Plaza Premiums can cost around £245 for a family of four. You’d have to eat a lot to make it worthwhile, and trust me, in most cases you won’t be going back for seconds.
My best lounge experiences in the last 12 months have been at venues run by airlines: the Qantas lounge at T4, Virgin’s Clubhouse and Cathay Pacific’s various options in Hong Kong. Given that I rarely fly for business, I relied on my BA Executive Club silver card for access to the Oneworld lounge; But even if there is a possibility, I may not be able to accumulate enough air miles to maintain this.
Failing that, I’ll invest in a portable stool, buy my own dongle, and bring my lunch with me. It’s not particularly flashy, but unfortunately neither are airport lounges these days.