‘Do you ever get seasick?’ Timm Schirmer, a 27-year-old DJ with a magnificent blond mustache, asks me shortly before boarding the Techno Train. “When you’re dancing on a train, you can feel like you’re at sea because you can’t always see that you’re moving.” Worryingly, I have spent most of my past holidays retching on boats. But Timm’s question came after he paid €100 for a ticket on what social media claimed was Europe’s busiest train journey. I knew this wouldn’t be a simple journey.
Launched in 2019 by Haus 33, the Nuremberg nightclub staffed by Tim DJs, the Techno Train runs twice a year and has only two official stops: the start and the finish. We leave Nuremberg’s Frankenstadion station at 16:00 and head west for approximately 100 km towards the city of Würzburg, then turn back and enter Nuremberg Central Station at 23:00.
The train has 12 carriages, three of which become dance rooms with DJ decks, speakers and bars. About 25 DJs perform from our wheelchair in the Bavarian countryside.
Approximately 700 tickets are available for each journey, and although the train has no marketing other than social media, they sell out in seconds. But still, Tim says: “You can’t get rich from this. Permission to go on the rails is expensive. We’re lucky that there’s excitement on Instagram and TikTok… when you don’t have that, you’re going out of business.
When I join the queue outside the Frankenstadion station, a woman with a baby stroller searches for her phone to film the mostly black-clad, often half-naked ticket holders. Before I’m allowed on the plane, a stocky bouncer rummages through my backpack; Luckily, he doesn’t mind that I’m the only passenger bringing books.
The music is gospel-tinged and upbeat, much less distracting than I expected
Transportation rules require at least one seat per passenger, and I find a spot in the rest area. It is one of the few wagons that does not have speakers attached to its ceiling and is non-smoking. I chat with Vincent, a smiling 22-year-old with a shaved head and mirrored sunglasses; He says that he is also a part of this wagon. From Nuremberg’s techno scene. As a 40 year old Techno Train virgin, I’m asking for advice. “Don’t stay in one place; travel up and down the train,” says Vincent. His friend Benedict, who has a deep voice and a slight beard, adds: “Use the toilets early. They’re… unpleasant.
At 16.30, DJ Es.Ka started his set in the dance car closest to me. The panels have been pulled over the windows and the fog machine fills the room with red fog and the smell of school disco. Shirtless gentlemen with six-packs dance on ledges, and a skinny man who resembles Bad Education actor Layton Williams waves a huge black hand fan. The big fan is no sham: it’s a hot afternoon, even before dancing in a packed car.
The music is gospel-tinged and upbeat, much less obtrusive than I expected. About 90 minutes after the DJs start, the train starts moving and there are cheers.
Most of the crowd is German, but I also notice Irish, American, British and French accents. Timm says that when the Techno Train launched, it was mostly for Haus 33 regulars, but after it went viral, people started coming from further afield. In the pub queue I hear a high Glasgow accent: “Any luck with the disco biscuits?”
“Awareness personnel” in red vests keep watch for bad behavior and curled banknotes. “If we see two people enter the toilet and stay for half an hour, we know something is wrong,” says one of them.
In March this year, the German Ministry of Culture and the Unesco Commission added Berlin’s techno scene to the country’s list of intangible cultural heritage. I ask Timm whether the success of Techno Train is a sign of an “official” positive attitude towards techno and hedonism that is also felt beyond the capital.
He shakes his head. “Bavaria is actually a really conservative country. “It’s the exact opposite of Berlin.” Timm is talking about Markus Söder, Bavarian minister-president and leader of the Christian Social Union party in Bavaria. “They hate techno and parties. It’s really hard to get permission and I don’t know why we get it. Maybe because it’s so unique. But if you do something like an illegal party here in the woods and the police show up, you’re screwed.”
I pass a man in a gold V for Vendetta Guy Fawkes mask, then another in a Jesus robe, and lurch toward the largest DJ cart. The windows are open and the top is open, giving that “club lights on at 5am” feel on this sunny afternoon. A breeze blows in every now and then, offering respite to sweat-dampened cheeks.
Trains are parked at stations along the route, capturing videos of carriages swaying under the sounds of hundreds of slow dances from people on the platforms. As we pass through a village, children on garden swings wave wildly. An elderly gentleman tending his vegetable field puts down his trowel to greet us.
An hour before the end, hundreds of passengers are still dancing, their shirts being thrown away
I don’t feel seasick flying between dance cars, but I hit the wall during the hardcore remix of Sean Paul’s Get Busy. Louis Harshman, a Berlin-based DJ, plays a suitably hard-hitting nosebleed techno set as I retreat to the lounge area. With an hour to go, hundreds of passengers are still dancing, their shirts thrown off and their pupils dilated.
We return to Nuremberg, the police are waiting on the station platform to observe the crowd leaving the station. Timm stuffs his DJ equipment into his backpack and smiles proudly. He asks if I’m coming to Haus 33’s after-party.
The club is a short walk away, but my Premier Inn is closer. I check my health app and see that I took 20,000 steps on the train. I check my wallet and see that I spent €50 on a cold soda. Techno Train was as enjoyable as I had hoped, but that was enough exercise and sugar for one day.
Check out Tekno Trenin’s Instagram (@teknotrain_) for future trips. Train travel from London to Brussels was provided by european star (from £51 One direction). Travel from Brussels to Berlin is provided by: European Sleeping (bunkhouses from €79 One direction). Travel from Berlin to Nuremberg is provided by: OmioIts app allows travelers to compare different transportation methods simultaneously. Accommodation Providers in Nuremberg Premier Inn Nuremberg City Opernhaus (doubles €106).